A Lesson I've Learned

I have been thinking back on things and wondering why I am doing as well as I have been. Earlier, I would imagine myself reacting far differently than I have been. I would put myself where I knew I would be, in the hospital room, delivery, at home with the kids and think about what I would be dealing with and what I imagined my emotions would be. I thought I would have more mental and emotional breakdowns. I thought I would be more depressed. Instead, I have had times of extreme sadness, and times of frustration borne out of the inability to do things but nothing overwhelming.

Last night, I was thinking about an acquaintance who just discovered she had breast cancer and would require a double mastectomy and I found at least part of the answer. It lies with what I learned from a Relief Society Enrichment meeting back in Logan. One of the sisters presenting was a survivor of breast cancer. She shared her story. I am going to get some of the details wrong but the message still resonates with me.

She felt the same feelings of depression and anger that are common to cancer patients. She felt gross, ugly, and yucky after her surgeries and while on chemo/radiation. Somewhere in her process, she had a change of attitude. I can't remember if the impetus was a talk in church, a blessing from her husband or what, but one day she decided to go to her treatments and NOT sit there moping and sharing depressing cancer death stories and horror surgery stories like was common in the waiting rooms. The Atonement healed her, not from the cancer but from the anger and sadness of her situation.

Her attitude changed. She was willing to crack jokes. Sure some of it was gallows humor. Some of it was fake boob jokes. Others in the waiting room began to join in. At some point, someone had the idea to have a picnic in the waiting room. They were all there in the waiting room, feeling okay, but knowing that they would be puking things up and feeling miserable for the next 3-4 days. So those cancer patients decided to enjoy the last decent meal before feeling lousy. And they did this before every appointment. As time went on, other cancer patients from other waiting rooms began to come down the hall and join their fun. Because it made them feel better.

She realized that while her bad or down attitude might not kill her and her good attitude might not save her, her good attitude certainly made a hard situation much more bearable. That is what the Atonement did for her. She still had her depressing and yucky days. She still had her anger and helplessness to deal with, but it was much easier because she allowed Jesus Christ to take some of the burden and make it bearable. And that is what I know eased the burden for us.